Reactions vs. Responses: The Psychology of the Pause

Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.– Viktor E. Frankl

This quote captures something both timeless and powerfully modern: that growth doesn’t come from never getting upset or stressed—it comes from learning how to pause, choose, and act with intention.

And in today’s fast-paced, emotionally charged world, that ability to choose our response —rather than react impulsively— is a cornerstone of mental and emotional health. Whether in a tense conversation with a partner, responding to an email that hits a nerve, or navigating parenting challenges, the way we respond shapes not just our relationships but our own sense of self-control and integrity.

Let’s take a deeper look at the difference between reaction and response, and how you can begin practicing the pause in your everyday life.

Reaction vs. Response: What’s the Difference?

Think of a reaction as a reflex. It’s fast, often fueled by emotion - especially when fear, anger, or defensiveness get involved. It usually happens without conscious thought.

A response, in contrast, is reflective. It involves awareness. It’s grounded in your values and long-term goals, not just the emotional charge of the moment.

Here’s a comparison:

Reaction	Response
Instant, automatic	Deliberate, intentional
Emotionally driven (fight/flight/freeze)	Guided by reasoning and values
Often regretted later	More likely to preserve relationships and integrity
Controlled by the amygdala	Managed by the prefrontal cortex

The Neuroscience: How the Brain Navigates Emotion

To understand why we react the way we do, it helps to know how the brain processes threat.

When you encounter something perceived as dangerous or upsetting — whether it’s a raised voice, a critical comment, or a stressful situation — your amygdala (a key player in the limbic system) kicks into gear. This structure is part of your brain’s early warning system and is involved in detecting threat and initiating a stress response.

The amygdala sends signals that release stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline, preparing your body to respond quickly: increase heart rate, shallow breathing, narrowed focus. It’s a brilliant system for immediate survival. But in modern life, this same system is triggered by psychological threats — social rejection, perceived disrespect, overwhelm. The body responds the same way as it would to a physical threat.

In contrast, the prefrontal cortex, the brain’s executive center, is involved in rational thought, planning, empathy, and impulse control. When we pause, breathe, and reflect, we’re giving the prefrontal cortex a chance to engage and regulate our emotional reactivity.

Research supports this dual-system model:

• A 2021 study published in Journal of Neuroscience found that individuals who engaged in regular mindfulness practice showed decreased amygdala reactivity to stressors and increased connectivity between the amygdala and prefrontal cortex (Taren et al., 2021). This means they had a stronger link between their emotional brain and their reasoning brain—an essential foundation for responding instead of reacting.

• Another study from 2020 in NeuroImage demonstrated that participants trained in emotional regulation strategies like cognitive reappraisal had greater activation in the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex and reduced activity in the amygdala when shown emotionally evocative images (Morawetz et al., 2020).

These findings reinforce that the ability to pause and regulate your response isn’t just about willpower—it’s about brain training. The more you practice, the stronger those neural pathways become.

Why We React: The Emotional Hijack

The term “amygdala hijack,” coined by psychologist Daniel Goleman, describes what happens when our emotional brain takes over and shuts down rational thought. You may notice:

• A sudden surge of emotion (often but not exclusively rage, fear, shame)

• Tunnel vision or black-and-white thinking

• Saying or doing things that feel out of character

• Regret or embarrassment shortly after

It’s a physiological cascade, but it’s not irreversible. The key is awareness—noticing what’s happening in your body and mind in that split second. That’s where the work begins.

How to Practice Responding Instead of Reacting

Changing this pattern takes practice—but it’s entirely possible. Here are two evidence-based strategies to help you respond with greater awareness and intention.

1. The STOP Method (Mindfulness-Based)

This is a classic ACT and mindfulness tool used to create a conscious pause:

• S – Stop. Notice the moment before you speak, act, or escalate.

• T – Take a breath. This grounds your nervous system and gives your body a signal to relax.

• O – Observe. Notice what thoughts, emotions, and bodily sensations are arising. “My chest is tight. I feel hurt.” Simply naming the emotion can begin to calm the amygdala (Lieberman et al., 2007).

• P – Proceed. Choose your next move based on your values, not your adrenaline.

Practicing STOP even once a day during moments of mild stress (traffic, tech issues, daily irritations) helps build the mental muscle for when bigger triggers come along.

2. The Values Check-In (ACT-Informed Strategy)

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy encourages you to use your values—not your emotions—as a compass. This approach can shift you from reactive to responsive by asking:

• “What kind of person do I want to be in this situation?”

• “What matters most to me right now—being right, or being kind?”

• “If I were watching myself right now, would I feel proud of my behavior?”

This simple internal check-in activates your prefrontal cortex by engaging reflection and perspective-taking. Research from Hayes & Hofmann (2020) shows that aligning with values enhances resilience, emotional regulation, and relationship satisfaction, even in conflict or stress.

When you're in the heat of the moment, your values might be the last thing on your mind—but over time, returning to this question builds both integrity and inner calm.

Putting It into Practice

Next time you're triggered—whether in a relationship, at work, or just stuck in traffic—try this sequence:

1. Notice the emotion rising (label it: anger, embarrassment, defensiveness).

2. Pause—even a single breath can interrupt the automatic response.

3. Check in with your values: How do you want to show up here?

4. Respond in a way that reflects who you are—not just how you feel.

It won’t always be easy, but it will be worth it. Because each pause is a powerful act of self-leadership.

Final Thoughts: The Freedom to Choose

Learning to respond instead of react doesn’t mean suppressing or avoiding emotion. In fact, it's the opposite: it's about allowing the emotion to be present without being controlled by it. It's recognizing that you're not just a passenger in your emotional experience—you can be the driver.

And the more you practice this skill, the more empowered, effective, and grounded you’ll feel in every area of your life.

If you’d like personalized support in developing this capacity, I’m here to help. You can reach out to me directly via phone, email, or my website. Therapy isn’t just about working through the past—it’s also about building the mental and emotional skills to respond to the future with clarity and confidence.

Or, if another therapist feels like a better fit, I encourage you to reach out to someone you trust. You deserve support in living with intention.

Sources:

• Taren, A. A., Creswell, J. D., & Gianaros, P. J. (2021). Dispositional mindfulness co-varies with smaller amygdala and caudate volumes in community adults. Journal of Neuroscience, 41(10), 2219–2230.

• Morawetz, C., Bode, S., Baudewig, J., Jacobs, A. M., & Heekeren, H. R. (2020). Emotional reappraisal modulates amygdala activity during emotion. NeuroImage, 208, 116403.

• Hayes, S. C., & Hofmann, S. G. (2020). Process-Based CBT: The Science and Core Clinical Competencies of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. New Harbinger Publications.

• Lieberman, M. D., et al. (2007). Putting feelings into words: Affect labeling disrupts amygdala activity in response to affective stimuli. Psychological Science, 18(5), 421–428.