This article is for anyone and everyone who considers themselves to be a
human being.
As a human, life is a mixed bag. You have and will experience deep and meaningful joy, success, satisfaction, love, and bliss! Yet you also experience emotional storms, turmoil, discomfort, and even pain. This contrast is part of what makes life so rich, and the lessons learned so powerful.
The certainty of joy and pleasure is an easy thing to accept – we all want this in whatever form that is the most meaningful to us! But what about the certainty of discomfort? Well, the unfortunate truth is that your brain is not hardwired to bask in the ‘good stuff’ - despite your ability and desire to celebrate and live happily! Rather, the human brain is a risk-assessing machine whose primary directive is your safety (Star Trek reference, anyone?).
So, what do we do with this? We look for ways to maximize satisfaction and happiness while we deal with those unavoidable discomforts as effectively as we can. We look for strategies, skills, or tools which can help us achieve an efficient and calm mind. In acceptance and commitment therapy (or ACT), we do our best to take specific action that takes us towards the person we want to be! ACTions which are taken consciously, mindfully, and with full awareness. ACTions which are guided by our core values.
Below are 3 strategies that may (or may not) work for you! I encourage you, dear reader, to give them a read, a think, and then play with them! Keep in mind that the aim is not to make the pain go away (as neither of us have a magic wand) but it is to make the pains of life more manageable. I encourage you to treat them like a scientist collecting data. If something doesn’t work this way, will it work with these adjustments? If it doesn’t work at this time of day, or at this frequency, does it need more time or different parameters? If it’s still not working the way I think it should, do I need to bring in an outside perspective or an expert (for example, a friend or clears throat a therapist)?
Strategy #1: Notice and Name
Notice and name is a wonderful tool which can help put some distance between you and your experience. On the surface, it’s quite simple. It’s a sentence structure that encourages you to take a step back, notice your own experience, and give it a name. After all, emotions are not He Who Shall Not Be Named (aka Voldemort from Harry Potter)… They’re just emotions. So let's not give them any more power than is absolutely necessary. Notice them. Name them… Use this sentence structure:
“I notice that….I am (thinking/feeling/want to/whatever description fits)…. This experience”
For example, you might say to yourself;
“Hey! I notice that I am thinking about my never-ending to-do list.”
“I notice that I am feeling insecure about my body.”
Or even something a bit sillier like “Oh! I notice that my inner critic is running its dang mouth and being noisy again!”.
The interesting part is, once we start noticing and naming these things instead of living in the experience of it, we start seeing patterns: When we start seeing patterns, it becomes easier to identify which thoughts, feelings, behavioral urges, or even physical sensations are distracting us and taking us away from the person we want to be: Once we can do that, it puts the power of choice back in our hands. Precisely where it belongs.
Strategy #2: The Brain as a Problem Solver
We already talked about the inevitability of pain and discomfort in human lives. We also touched on the brain as a risk-assessing machine. What we didn’t get into was the second step of this risk-assessment process! While assessing the risks of life, the brain is also coming up with solutions. Ways to stop, avoid, or otherwise Get Rid Of the pain!
Let me be clear here, this is not a bad thing whatsoever. This is what your brain has evolved to do. It is a big part of why we have survived as a species! However, while the brain is very good at pumping out solutions, not every solution is going to be effective. & Unfortunately, sometimes the easiest or lowest risk solutions are not the most effective ones.
That means Your Job as the conscious part of you is to decide which solution is best suited to your needs (preferably in the long run). Which solutions provide you with a rich, full, meaningful life? Which solutions have the longest-term effects? Which solutions take me towards my core values, and which ones take me away from them?
This type of analysis can be overwhelming, given it’s asking for two different perspectives: The Problem-Solving Brain and The Solution-Assessing Mind. So let your focus be the solution-assessing mind, as the problem-solving brain is partially automatic anyways. Consider whatever solutions that your brain spouts out. Be curious. Be open. Take on that scientist's perspective and play with the solutions provided until you find one that works for you. If you’re still struggling, bringing in an outside person to help talk it out is a great method to ensure effectiveness remains the goal!
Strategy #3: Meditation
Hold on, before you run! I don’t mean the Buddhist-style method of mediation which encourages a blank mind. (If that works for you, wonderful! All the more power to you, but personally, I’ve never had any luck with it.) When I say meditation, I mean an imaginative and active form in which you imagine your thoughts, feelings, urges, and physical sensations flowing by. You notice each one, provide it some loving attention, and let it exist in that space for as long as it wishes without pushing it around.
There are tons of ways to imagine this. Perhaps they are written on the clouds in the sky. Perhaps you record each on a leaf and let them loose in a stream. Perhaps they are represented by cars passing by in the night as you watch from the comfort of the backseat or a household window. In any case, it is important to remember that you are not the wind, or the river’s flow, or the driver of those cars. Where the clouds, leaves, and cars are and the speed that they move at is not up to you. Allow them to exist without controlling them. When you likely notice you are acting like a moving force (i.e. wind) - notice what you’re doing and allow that to also be a cloud or leaf or car. Let that observation exist and go about its way in its own good time.
Before I let you go to mull over what we’ve discussed here today, I’d like to say that the above strategies are skills. Skills you were not born with, but skills you can certainly build! Like a scientist building up a theory of life or a musician starting from scratch with dreams of playing in stadiums around the world. Start practicing when you have a quiet moment and slowly build the skill until you’re ready to bring it into a difficult moment. Perhaps more importantly, show yourself compassion when it doesn’t work and try again tomorrow. You’re human! You have a great ability to learn, but learning takes time. We’re looking for progress, not perfection.
Lastly, let’s pause and provide credit where credit is due. The article above reflects standard ACT perspectives and strategies filtered through the way I have interpreted them for my own practice. I have not reinvented or created anything new and spectacular. Many ACT therapists use these and similar strategies to bring about long-standing change in clients. However, this article represents a taste of how I function and speak in sessions with my clients. If this article has spiked your curiosity, I encourage you to reach out to myself via this website or another ACT-practicing psychotherapist in your area! With that said, I’ll leave you and your curious, solution-creating, wonderful brain to contemplate what you’ve read today, and I wish you all the best in your endeavors.
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